#2 Organize Your Speech — “The Benefits of Forgetting”

I gave my second speech for Toastmasters yesterday. It was called “The Benefits of Forgetting”. I’m happy with the way it went, and I think the audience was pleased to hear it. In thinking about how I would reflect on this speech, I felt it would be more useful to organize my thoughts better than last time, when everything came out as a sort-of blob. This time I’ll try to be more elegant with my reflections and considerations for the future.

The goals for this speech

This is the second speech in the Competent Communicator manual, and it’s called “Organize Your Speech”; the purpose of this one is to have the beginning speaker focus on organization – there’s more information about this speech on the Six Minutes blog. Go check it out.

As for me personally, I had my unofficial goals to focus on: variating my tone, and not clasping my hands.

Preparation

For my first speech. I wanted to have it memorized down rote, and was successful in that. But there are definite downsides in memorizing rote (pressure to remember every single word correctly=nervousness, lack of flexibility in delivery, and for me a mono-tone quality), so for this speech I decided to alter my preparation method. Just like last time, I had my topic the day after the speech, this gave me two weeks to prepare the thing. But this time I didn’t set my thoughts down right away; only after a few days of letting it simmer did I take some notes on lines I wanted to use, and thoughts I wanted to express. This brings me to an interesting theme:

- unconscious vs. conscious work methods: As I just expressed, I let the speech topic simmer in my mind before I actually sat down to work on it. By that I mean, I didn’t put any pressure on myself to consider my topic, but every so often I would check back with it in my mind. So I’d be showering or driving somewhere, or washing the dishes and I’d mull over the idea ‘forgetting’. This was good because it consumed no physical time(instead: thought time) and by the time I sat down with it, I had a whole bunch of things to write down, it was very easy to brainstorm; I just plucked the ideas like little flowers.

After brainstorming, I had a page and little of notes, and a very very rough outline. I let that go for a while, spoke to a few people about the idea and only came back to it the weekend before the speech. It was either Friday or Saturday that I drafted the actual words for the introduction and conclusion. Then, on Sunday morning, I delivered a very rough version of the speech to my former-Forensics-team/now Lead Advocacy Coordinator for the American Lung Association(read: he speaks in public alot) brother, and he flat-out told me that the reasoning of my speech was flawed. But I was not angry, or defensive; actually, I thought the feedback was great! And because the body of my speech was not written out yet, it was easy for me to alter my rough outline and create a speech that made sense. I did write the speech out that afternoon. Then, Igor and I went to run some errands. When I got home, I began to drill the conclusion and introduction till I had them memorized and could deliver them within a few seconds of the appointed time(I read it a few times and timed my reading, basing my time around that plus/minus a few seconds.) the intro was clocked at 1:18, while the conclusion at 1:08. I must have repeated them twenty or twenty-five times each, just over and over again until I was hitting the times hard, every single time. It was actually very difficult to stay focused during that time; saying something over and over is hard work, but I’m glad I did it. I read my body over a few times, but didn’t work on it at all that evening other than that. Remember, I wanted it to feel more improvised. I thought this would work out my tone problem.

The next morning I had some time, so I delivered the whole speech once or twice, going overtime both times – so I adjusted, cutting bits. That’s the good thing about not focusing on the written page, it’s very easy to cut. When I took a mid-morning shower, I took that time, under the warm water, to focus on my outline and work out a transition I was having trouble with. It’s novel for me to work without paper, but I like it. It’s all about trusting your mind. After the shower, I went to work. A few hours later, I came home, said my speech to the beautiful Ashley over the phone, and my preparation was complete.

The key point to my preparation this time was that the body of my speech basically composed itself over the two weeks I thought about my speech in the background. Once I had my initial brainstorm, I had in mind the stories I wanted to tell, and the challenge became fleshing out the general wording. On Sunday, I typed them into the computer, printed them out, and looked at the paper two or three times to remind myself of lines I particularly enjoyed and wanted to include. Other than that, it was all in the head. The manual recommended it, so I still memorized my introduction and conclusion, but I felt like I could change them anytime I wanted which eliminated that pressure of word-for-word memorization. Plus, I wrote the intro and conclusion into the outline.

Before the speech

Overall, my nerves were not anywhere near where they were last time. Before I left the house, I started feeling very tight around the stomach area, so I looked for my speech in my head…It was still there. That helped me loosen up. There were six people at the meeting including me, two of whom were guests, which made me slightly nervous. The meeting began, and since I had signed up as Jokemaster, I was called to stand up and deliver a joke I had memorized before I left the house for the meeting. You can find a variation of the joke I told here. Note how the theme of the joke is memory(props for continuity accepted :O) ). The joke went well, so I began to feel more relaxed. I also participated in Table Topics, so by the time I was called to speak, my nervousness had somewhat dissipated and because I knew my introduction cold, I was able to get into speechifying mode and comfortably deliver the thing.

The speech itself: The Benefits of Forgetting

Since I altered the speech so much in my head, the word-processing file with it is old news. The following is the speech as it was when I said it:

Mr. Toastmaster, ladies and gentlemen

Imagine this, an idea strikes you, you go to the other room to write it down, but before you put pen to paper – your eyes get wide – your mind? empty, “what was it?” you ask yourself. Searching, searching, grasping, grasping. Alas, it is lost.
Forgetting can be frustrating, that’s for sure. Maybe that’s why there are literally thousands of books, tapes, seminars, herbs with funny names designed with one purpose, to help us remember. Remembering is grand, while forgetting? The pits.

To that I say BALDERDASH!

I suppose it’s the contrarian in me – but I contend that forgetting is under-appreciated and should be re-examined, but before I get into the benefit of forgetting, I’d like to take a moment to address the elephant in the room – remembering.

I say elephant, which is my favorite animal, but what’s so great about remembering? Sure, we’ve all seen the guy on TV who can recall 200 objects off a conveyor belt – Amazing! we say – I wish I could do that! I say, “Why? In our lives, who really needs that type of skill?”

Remembering puts a lot of pressure on us, at some point we’ve all seen someone we knew at a meeting and said, “Oh, what’s her name…?” Feeling anxious because we can’t just bring it up. Or how about being forced to remember dates and formulas in school — awful!

Okay, let’s look at the other side, say we now have superhuman memory:
Everyone is walking around steaming mad because two hours ago some nobody on the rode cut us off, and we can’t just forget about it!
The fraud rate skyrockets because any ole’ Joe can remember your credit card number and use it to for his eBay purchases.
And the demons of your past? Still haunt you – because it isn’t time alone that heals things, it’s forgetting, it smooths the edges. But that doesn’t happen, so when you meet an old friend with whom you had a ridiculous falling out – you still hold a grudge, and can’t just forgive and forget.

Now that I’ve thoroughly trashed remembering, let’s get to the benefit of forgetting…

Forgetting gives you the chance of learning about yourself. This use of your newfound self-knowledge is the primary benefit of forgetting: Opportunity.

Here are three examples we can all relate to, all of these examples hinge on the idea of the Latin phrase, “Nosce te Ipsum” or “Know Thyself.”

First of all, Keys – We’ve all lost them. In the beginning it’s absolutely terrifying, but usually we find them or have an extra set somewhere and it ends up not so bad. Forget them once? An accident, but two three four times indicates that something is wrong with your routine, or lack thereof. Well, through forgetting, you’ve isolated a challenge to overcome. Maybe you do like my girlfriend’s mother did and get a hook, stick it to the wall near the door and use it. Problem solved; you walk in, keys on the hook, walk out, take keys off the hook. She used her forgetfulness as an opportunity to make her life easier.

The second example:
You’re giving a speech: everything is going well, the audience is into it, you’re really killing, then you go up! You look at your little note, nothing! You’ve forgotten. There are many possible causes for such blunders, but the usual suspect is inadequate preparation. There isn’t much you can do at the moment of but blunder through, but afterwards you can use your flub as an opportunity to fine-tune your preparation methods. Everyone is different, and thus require different emphases when practicing. Analyzing why you forgot allows for constructive reflection and makes a better speaker out of you.

Third,
Many people aren’t expert at remembering names, but it’s no big deal! There are two ways to solve the name problem. With a little self-knowledge, we know when to use cognitive artifacts(like paper and pencil) to help us. And if you don’t have any handy, you can always say to your friend, “You know, I’m sorry, I forgot your name, what was it again?” in that case, two things can happen: seven out of ten times the person will happily tell you their name, but three out of ten times, the person will look at you stupidly and say “You know, I’m so glad you asked, I forgot your name too, what is it?” Either way you demonstrate your humility by asking. We know that no one is perfect, everybody forgets and having humility is a trait everyone can appreciate.

We all know how terrible it feels when we’ve forgotten something we tried so hard to remember. You just want to scream or cry or explode. Yet, a few minutes pass and your re-focus and work on solving the problem. Your bruised ego? Forgotten.
In the past few minutes I’ve joked with you about how remembering is not all its cracked up to be and explained that the benefits of forgetting lie in re-framing it as an opportunity to Know and Improve thyself.

I believe that forgetting is the wisdom of evolution forcing us to stop living the past.

So, in the future, when someone tells to “fughetaboutit!” go ahead.

Thank you.

The outline

On a little half-sheet, I basically copy+pasted the introduction and conclusion, and between them I put this:

Remembering
a) conveyor man
b) pressure: names, school.
c) superhuman memory:
1) anger, 2) fraud rate, 3) demons.
trans: Nosce te Ipsum
As Opportunity
a) keys: outline the problem(be brief), solution.
b) speech: NOTE business, constr reflec.
c) Names

Each of those keywords was enough to jar my memory into the next story. Within them, I was on my own, which was perfectly fine.

The outcome

Success! I did refer to my outline a few times, but it did not interrupt the flow of my speech. My tone(s) were up to my standards, and the audience seemed to enjoy it. It was a little disconcerting to look at the five audience members and see them writing, or eating – but I did not lose faith that they were listening and paying attention, and I was right not to, because they were. It must be hard for teachers to get used to talking to a class full of students who are taking notes, at least. My evaluator praised my speech, but urged me to work on my body language a bit; he was careful to mention that it wasn’t wrong or bad, that my hand motions were in tune with my speech, but they could have been more effective.

For the future

I didn’t sign up to speak for the next meeting(May 19th), but I did sign up for the meeting following that, June 2nd. That way I have two weeks off from speechifying, though I’m sure I’ll use them for considering my next topic and brainstorming. In the meantime, I plan to watch speeches on YouTube, and the TED site (where there are “Inspired talks by the world’s greatest thinkers and doers”) and pay special attention to their body language. If anyone has seen any posts on Body Language in presentation/speeches or can link me to a good speech, I’d be grateful. I had fun doing this speech, and wasn’t especially nervous about it. Part of the goal for me now is to keep the pressure on/not get complacent. When I start feeling too comfortable speaking before this group, I’ll probably have to go seek other clubs, though that’s not a problem since there are a bunch in the area. Still, the good thing about going to a small club is that I get a lot of personal feedback and this helps iron out the small issues I have like body language etc.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to continuing my quest for public speaking excellence. One speech at a time. And that’s that. Good day.